We’re often told not to judge a book by its cover, but when it comes to dating, that’s precisely what we do. On dating sites, pictures are what prompt us to react one way or another.
A photo can make us fall in love or move on to the next profile in an instant. If we don’t like the picture, we won’t read the profile. Just as publishers will tell you, I must emphasize that we do judge a book by its cover, and your profile is judged by your pictures.
Drawing from my 25 years of experience in matchmaking, both online and offline, I’d like to share some insights to help you attract the partner of your dreams.
Recently, three singles shared with me their surprise at the strange reactions—or lack thereof—they received on dating platforms. They were almost ready to give up, with the desperate sentiment “All the good ones are taken” echoing repeatedly.
Then I asked to see the photos they had used in their profiles.
One of the crucial aspects I deal with in matchmaking is photos. A good photo is one of the most important components of a profile.
As I was writing this blog, it got longer and longer, and I decided to also create a checklist to help you take better pictures. This blog contains all the tips and items that are also on the checklist, but the checklist is more concise, printable, and allows you to take notes. You can download it here.
First Impression
On platforms like Facebook and Pinterest, people quickly scroll through countless photos out of habit. We’re accustomed to fast internet connections and rapid image loading. We decide in the blink of an eye whether to read a profile or not. The picture comes first. Information and images are expected quickly; speed matters. Decisions are made in milliseconds based on first impressions. So, if the photo doesn’t appeal, one might be overlooked more often than they’d like.
Initially, people reach out to profiles with attractive photos. Only after going through the photos that truly appeal do they consider profiles with less appealing dating profile pictures.
The second thing to pay attention to is “recent & real”. Use a photo taken within the last six to twelve months that accurately reflects you now. No picture should be older than a year. Should you have lost lots of weight within the last few months or weeks, take new ones.
Inner Values
A survey of singles revealed that they are highly interested in the inner qualities of potential partners and often have a clear idea of the traits and habits their future partner should possess. Although inner values are more important than appearance in a relationship, it’s primarily the photo that creates the “first impression” that shapes the decision to take a closer look or scroll further.
One thing all singles I’ve ever spoken with have in common is this: They want to be loved for who they truly are, for who they feel they are at their core.
This essence can shine through in a photo, but it doesn’t always, especially when special poses and clothes are chosen that are—at best—misleading.
“A picture is worth a thousand words.” While the origin of this phrase is debated, its truth is undeniable. This picture must also convey that the person in it has the ability and potential to fulfill your dreams and love you the way you want to be loved.
When photos are accompanied by brief information about the person, all respondents prioritize the photo first. Yet, there’s not enough awareness that they, too, are quickly judged and often frustrated by being labeled as “superficial” by others for doing so.
You can, however, subtly incorporate hobbies or interests in some photos (e.g., holding a book, hiking). If you don’t own a dog or a pet, don’t take pictures with an animal as it will relay the idea that this is your pet.
Mix in some less posed shots that show your personality shining through.
Target Audience of the Dating Platform
Knowing which dating profile photo to upload is as crucial as knowing who will see it. Let’s use the marketing term “target audience” here, as it fits. Yes, I know it’s not very romantic to use this term and approach, but it works.
If you’re in your 50s and want to settle down to enjoy the second half of your life in a house with a picket fence, watch your grandkids grow up, and enjoy your timeshare unit, you probably won’t want to hang out with singles who are into partying. Choosing the right platform is important to find your ideal match. We’ll call potential partners who, like you, are into houses with a picket fence, grandkids, and timeshares your “target audience”. You have a lot in common with them, and you need to go where they gather.
If you’re in your 30s, you might be interested in establishing a family, buying a house, and creating a life together.
Who exactly is my target audience?
Before you sign up with any service, consider these fundamental questions: Are the members of this platform more interested in short-term or long-term relationships?
What social environment, gender, age, and profession (craftsmen, artists, academics, executives, self-employed) am I targeting?
Everyone presents themselves differently or wants to be perceived differently. What does this target audience want to see? Is this aligned with what I’m into as well?
All these factors should be represented in your dating profile photos.
Generally, sexy photos tend to give the impression of being interested in a quick flirt. The sexier the photos, the more “intimate” the messages you receive will be.
However, if a woman is aiming for a long-term relationship with marriage and children, I wouldn’t recommend having a photo with a cooking spoon and a baby doll in her profile. This won’t yield the desired result.
What you portray in the photo is the impression you convey. I advise against using cool poses from fashion magazines; they may be aesthetically pleasing but are often less informative because they seem unnatural.
The Romance in Online Dating
You can probably recognize at this point that this is about marketing yourself. There’s still very little “romance” in going through online profiles, which can be quite disillusioning. But don’t give up yet; there’s plenty of space for romance at the first meeting and afterwards! You’ll live a life together; you won’t run out of romantic opportunities later!
An incredibly romantic photo may be nice and generate interest. However, it can create the expectation that this level of romance will be intensely lived every day in the relationship. It can quickly come across as cheesy. If that’s what you desire and can sustain, that’s great.
If you follow a friend’s advice to use a romantic photo but have no intention of living up to it in real life, not only will the wrong people respond to that image, but you’ll also disappoint potential partners because you cannot live up to what the photo promises. Both sides will be disappointed.
Things to Avoid
Please stop listening to “friends” who are upset about dating, about dating platforms, about marriage, love, and what-not. Listen to people who know their stuff, who are successful in the field of dating, have found their lasting love, and have been around for a while. (Yes. Like me. Just saying…)
Old photos have no place on a dating platform; they belong in a photo album. When you eventually meet the person and expect to see the individual from that old picture come to life in front of you, you’ll likely be very disappointed and feel deceived. There will be a lingering feeling of “they’re not telling the truth” or “if they don’t even make an effort to get a current photo, they’re probably not very committed to having an honest relationship in daily life.”
Some items can date your picture. This could be a very specific event—like elections—or even masks. Keep this in mind even when you think you haven’t changed since then. Avoid distracting props or accessories that take away from you.
As I have the chance to mention this here: Never lie about your date of birth. I understand the temptation may arise. However, it usually creates a sense of being “deceived” in the person who believes the lie. There are other ways to address the issue of having fewer interested parties because you are “too old.” Changing the date of your birth is not a good solution. This is a subject for a different blog post, though.
Avoid hats, shawls, caps, headbands, dark sunglasses. All of that gives the impression you are hiding or don’t want to be recognized or seen. People want to see your eyes.
Also, the hairline should be seen on the picture as it is important. If you wear a hat 24/7 (or it feels like it) and you just won’t be seen without one, you may have one of a few dating profile photos with a hat. (I’m feeling generous here.)
There is this lady I recently talked to. She is 35 years old and hates her forehead as she thinks it is “too high”. I looked at it and actually find it very nice, bright, in a way even inviting.
I would not hire a make-up artist or buy new clothes for professional photos. You want to show who you actually are. If you never wear make-up and only play dress-up for the photographer, you will not show yourself but an idea that is not real. That’s one of the biggest things to avoid: misrepresenting yourself.
When you take pictures, show yourself the way you want to be loved. You don’t want to bend over backward or be “different” just to attract attention. Be you. You are unique anyway. As soon as you change yourself for a picture, you won’t attract the right partner for you.
Artsy pictures: Use them for a contest but avoid them in dating. In these pictures, portray a person that is not you. You can show those off after you meet the person of your dreams.
Not ideal are photos of yourself where someone is cropped out. The idea is always that this other person is your “ex”. Make sure those pictures are not used.
One of the worst pictures I once saw was a group shot where everybody was cropped out except for one. It looked really weird.
Don’t have your mouth wide open as if you were screaming. If it must be, limit yourself to one picture like that, but it’s best to avoid it. I bet you are excited to be at Mount Rushmore or similar places, but please keep “be recognizable” in mind. One picture like that is great and is most likely appropriate, but limit it to one.
Basic and Important Viewpoint
I wish this following message would be given out by all photographers worldwide. They would save themselves a lot of trouble with critical customers.
If you are anything like the rest of us, you are not a big fan of your photos and are extremely picky about your dating profile photos.
Your image of yourself is shaped by the fact that you look at yourself in the mirror every day. You see yourself in reverse. No left side of the face matches the right side of the face; they are always just similar. Therefore, you see yourself in reverse in photos. Hence, you don’t like your photos and are overly critical because of that.
Try it. Upload a picture of yourself to Canva or any other software that can mirror an image. The mirror image will look more familiar to you; but only to you, no one else.
Conclusion: You are pretty. You will be loved for who you are. Follow the checklist for your dating profile photo, and you will be on the safe side. After all, you only want one future partner, and this person will find you.
Ready to download your free IDEAL DATING PHOTO CHECKLIST – 55 TIPS FOR SWIPE-RIGHT SUCCESS? Click here.
Clothes, Appropriate Attire for Your Photo
The appropriate attire depends on your personality, your target audience, and the dating platform you’re using. When seeking a long-term partner, I recommend avoiding overly revealing clothing.
Wear clothes that make you feel confident and represent your personal style. Highlight what makes you unique, what you are proud of. Don’t be afraid to show off features that make you stand out.
Dress to Attract: Who do you want to attract? Lean back, think about it for a while, and dress accordingly. And remember, someone who wants to find a partner for life and build a family is hardly ever into heavy partying. This implies no party pictures from days gone by.
You also don’t want to only show your business pictures on a dating site. I had a client who had all her business photos up on her dating profile. The moment we changed that to mixing it with her personal life, she found her partner on that site. In her case, it was not just the photos, but the photos were one contributing factor.
If you’re looking to attract a farmer, for example, your outfit should reflect an understanding of agricultural life. Dress the way your future partner would like to see you. Give some variety.
Dress to Impress: Your pictures should show you the way you will be seen most by your future partner. This will be a variety of business, sportive, and fun pictures.
I once had a 50-year-old female client seeking a lasting relationship. She was petite and feminine but not interested in makeup or dresses. Without consulting me, she hired a professional photographer, makeup artist, and bought new clothes for her profile photos. While the pictures turned out beautifully, they portrayed a person that didn’t exist. Such a setup is more suitable for professional or career-enhancing shots. For dating profiles, ensure your photos represent your authentic self. It’s fine to wear makeup if you typically do, but if you don’t own any, don’t apply it just for the pictures.
Another client lived near a beach, and all his photos were taken. Despite earning a good income and seeking a partner for business events, the responses he received didn’t align with his goals. Although his profile described what he was looking for, his beach photos didn’t convey that image. I persuaded him to add a picture of himself in more formal attire, which significantly changed the type of women he attracted.
Revealing Dating Profile Photos – For Ladies
In one of your favorite pictures, you might wear a strapless top, but the picture only shows bare shoulders. This allows the imagination of the person looking at the picture to wander and wonder. We don’t really want that to happen. Save those pictures for the time when your partner—once you’ve found him—will see you.
Once I had a pretty blonde female client in her late 40s. In one of her dating profile photos, she wore a flattering off-the-shoulder dress. Unfortunately, her picture only showed her head and bare shoulders, resulting in unwanted comments. We resolved this by zooming out on the main picture so that the upper line of the dress became visible. This immediately changed the nature of the responses she received.
Avoid cliché poses like a duck face and other overused poses. Why? Because there are too many of these poses out there already. Additionally, these types of poses make it hard to recognize you in real life, and being recognizable in a photo is rule #1.
Ladies, if you are proud of your cleavage, I will be too. However, if you are looking to find someone for a lasting relationship that is deep and a man who stands by your side, leave the cleavage for him to discover in real life. Avoid poses that make your cleavage stand out. You know what those are.
Revealing Profile Photos – For Men
I bet your strong muscles at the age of 50 and above will impress at the gym. However, they are unlikely to impress the lady you are looking for.
A dress shirt and maybe even a tuxedo will do the trick effectively. Most of the ladies I have ever talked to as a matchmaker are more into a tuxedo than into looking at naked muscles. Live up to it!
Shirtless selfies (generally) imply unwanted associations unless you are after a more sexual than lasting relationship.
Tattoos (and other outside looks): Well, this applies to both sexes. Characteristics like tattoos may be appealing to some but not to others. Keep your dating profile photos true to the person that you are; tattoos are just one aspect of you and they are only on the outside. Show some of what’s on the inside; don’t hide behind your tattoos.
Taking the Pictures and the Ideal Pose
Let’s get to the heart of the matter. The most important message is this: You must be recognizable. I mentioned this earlier. It is the most important message of all.
If you are looking for just one key takeaway, it must be this: Be recognizable. When someone sees you in the street, they should be able to recognize you based on the picture you posted or sent.
Imagine having a first date, walking through a coffee shop, picture in hand, and being unable to find the person you’re anxious to meet! It’s embarrassing to overlook someone because their picture looked nothing like them in person.
Opt for a simple, uncluttered background that doesn’t distract. It should represent something you quite literally can stand for. Avoid overly busy photos with too much going on in the background.
Use filters sparingly – you want to look like you do in person. Be yourself! Relax! Don’t try to be someone you’re not – let your personality shine.
For the very creative ones: You can tell a story around yourself with the pictures you take, have taken, or post. The ideas of what you can do are limitless. Just stay recognizable.
Your clothing should reflect your actual daily lifestyle in a private setting.
Choose a well-lit, high-resolution photo where your face is visible. It must be clear and of high quality. Pay attention to this when you take a picture.
I’ve added a few sample poses and pictures to this blog. I took some selfies for you and intentionally did not use any make-up. Some others aren’t actual singles; they’re just examples to give you an idea of what you could try for yourself. I got those off of unsplash.com.
Add a couple of pictures that show your full body. This works well for both sexes and all ages: Standing completely straight is less favorable; rather, stand slightly turned, with your weight on one leg and the other leg positioned casually. Frontal and profile shots rarely turn out well.
However, the main photo on every profile should show your lovely, smiling face. A genuine, inviting smile makes you instantly more approachable. In some selfies, people tend to look very serious to be sure they get a good shot of themselves. While this is valuable, please put on a happy smile, and look into the lens of your camera via the mirror when taking the picture—if you absolutely must take a selfie in the bathroom or in front of a mirror.
Candid shots can be good, but they’re often not your best choice. They may suggest that the search for a partner isn’t being taken seriously enough.
Look straight into the lens of the camera, as it conveys the impression of engaging directly with the viewer. This approach is impactful and fosters a sense of intimacy; eye contact is powerful!
There are certain poses that make you appear relaxed and likable. For men, for example, it’s throwing the jacket loosely over the shoulder with a finger in the loop.
A commonly very good pose for men is the squat, photographed from the side. When photographed from the front, the legs dominate, which can be very unfavorable.
The best background for photos is the great outdoors, regardless of the season; overcast works best as you won’t be squinting, and the sun will not be harsh on your skin. Bright sunshine creates dark shadows, making it harder to take good pictures. Natural light is generally best, avoiding harsh shadows. There is nothing better for taking pictures outside than a cloudy day.
Include at least your head and shoulders in a dating profile photo, if not your upper body. Pay attention to that when shooting the pictures.
What to do with your hands? You can rest your chin on your hand, place it on your knee or put one of your hands on an object nearby.
As this blog has more than 3,500 words, I decided to create a checklist to help you make better dating profile pictures. The checklist will condense this blog into a concise form for you to print out, take notes, and work through. You can download it below.
💔 👉 ❤️👉 💖 👉 💑 ✨ 🎉
Wishing you lots of đź’– LOVE into your life
Gabriele
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READY FOR MORE MATCHES? Download your FREE Checklist Now!
Ready to put these tips into action and create dating profile pictures that get results?
Download my FREE checklist, “Your Ideal Dating Photo Checklist: 55 Tips for Swipe-Right Success”, and start attracting your ideal match today!
